A lesson on depositions: I remember asking multiple times what exactly a deposition was and entailed when my attorney’s would mention it. It was always a side comment of “if we do depositions”. I’m a details girl and love a nice timeline. I would always ask when exactly that was happening or the decision would be made to do them? What I learned is depositions were an “as needed” or “if needed” piece of the divorce proceedings. To give you a more technical definition, in and of itself it is defined as “a formal statement to be used as evidence”. Words are so powerful and given under oath can be used later as true statements about a given situation or event. Depositions can be done almost anytime during the process; either before mediation or before a court date.
Who should be called, why and what is the objective of there testimony is what you will need to think through. Often both the plaintiff and defendant are deposed. Your attorney’s want to know what you might testify to the day of a trial if you do not settle beforehand. Questions might be over your interrogatories, which were also considered “under oath” testimony or can be about addition information that your attorney wants to capture on the record. You can also have other people served for depositions to get there testimony. This can be extremely helpful if you know someone could have valuable information you want on record that has not been listed as a witness and will not be present the day of the trial. *Side note: don’t count on obtaining deposition from others. While your attorney can send someone to serve them, they can also evade being served. Unless you want to have a judge enforce this further, realize this may be a dead end for gaining some testimony.
The sworn testimony of each person deposed can be submitted and sited during a trial. It really gives your attorney knowledge about what might come out in trial and what, if any negotiations or settlements should take place for your best interests. A deposition often takes place at either the plaintiff or defendants attorney’s office. Usually in a conference style room. A court reporter is there who will swear you in or anyone else you depose before being questioned. Just like being under oath in court, you have the right to ask clarifying questions, ask for the question to be repeated and to ask for a break. Nothing is off limits to ask or be asked. Depending on the personality and style of the attorney’s involved, this can be a very intimidating and emotional experience to go through. Some women told me it was worse than the trial for them. I think both experiences are unpleasant in there own right.
Depositions may be the first time you come face to face with your ex’s attorney. I was fortunate to have two women in my life who’s ex-husbands used the same attorney as my ex. They shared there experience and suggestions on how to prepare both emotionally and mentally. This preparation, along with meeting with my therapist and buckets of prayer helped me know what to expect and walk into depositions with confidence.
For me, the unknown is always the hardest with anything in life. The whole process of divorce was a lesson on reliance on the Lord for me. No matter what I do know or don’t know is coming around the corner. “To Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” Ephesians 3:20 Staying grounded in the Word of God sustains me along with worshipping Him in song. By the time I went to depositions, it had been 22 months since my husband had left. That’s a lot of time to work through disbelief, pain, and the devastation of the situation. As I drove to my deposition, one song had been speaking to me and I played it over, and over, and over. At the top of my lungs I sang CeCe Winans I’ve Got Joy. Take a listen. The situation and depositions were not joy, but it was a perfect depiction that no matter what, I had “joy in struggle, peace in the storm, strength in the battle, I don’t fear anymore”. Sometimes you have sing the song of faith before you fully believe it. I was claiming those words in hopes I they would come to fruition….and they did. That is my hope for you friends. That no matter what circumstances you find yourself in, you can find your way to joy.