If you don’t have proof, it didn’t happen

Another lesson from divorce: Document, document, document! And then document some more.

I made a new friend by default through my divorce. A pastors wife connected us after my husband left. She was the first woman I met with that had been through a similar situation. She gave me the most valuable advise. She said, “start saving and documenting everything”. I would have once thought that was overkill but it was in the end, experienced wisdom.

Documentation and the ability to prove your spoken word is everything. Texts and emails seem obvious to save but it can go much deeper. Think about what would support your story. Photos, documents, bank transactions, doctors notes, bills, police reports, social media accounts and journal entries are all just a few ideas to get you thinking. Screen shot everything! Keep a chronological record to help organize and log events. Using a calendar can help track these and important events that occur. Depending on the length of time between when you file and when it’s all said and done, could be few months to a few years. Writing things down helps to off load it from your mind and place it in it’s appropriate time. Regarding money, if cash or the ability to hide it is a possibility, keep all the records of income you can find. Use these to compare it to tax returns. This may be extremely hard to do if they have the ability to not report money given to them. If need be, you can hire a forensic accountant to track income down if you suspect it’s a substantial amount. This type of a specialized accountant adds it’s own expense to the divorce so think wisely before hiring one.

When push comes to shove, when you show up in court, it doesn’t matter what you know, it all comes down to what you can prove. Hearsay is not admissible so if you do not have proof, have witnesses. Witnesses are people who can testify for actions and behavior they have seen and events to which they can attest. Be very careful to not share information in which you can’t show proof or in which someone else won’t support first hand.

When on the stand, it only matters what evidence has been submitted that can support what you plan to say. If it’s not there when you are sworn in, it won’t be able to be used.

The phrase “plan for the worst and expect the best” is true. My prayer is you would never need to go to this extent. The reality is, you can’t go backwards. Take the time to document, put it away and give yourself peace of mind that you can support your story if you ever need.

Carry on, Jennifer